table for 1 please!

Man Who Has Sex With Table Gets 6 Months

June 23, 2008 8:05 AM

An Ohio man who went out onto his deck and had sex with his metal picnic table multiple times between January and March of this year, has been sentenced to six months in jail.

Art Price Jr, pictured, admitted to this. A tipster dropped off three DVD's showing this. And according to cops, he also admitted to having intercourse with the table inside the home.

In fact, if the married father of three had not decided to take his amour outside of the house, which happens to be in plain view of an elementary school, chances are that he could've continued to see his flat-chested friend indefinitely.

Instead, thanks to the mysterious Deep Throat of the lawn furniture world, and the tireless work of the police, Art is off to prison.

Wish I could be a fly on the wall when an inmate asks him, "What are you in for?"

Final dumb thoughts:

This guy gives new meaning to the word tabletop.

Having sex with a metal picnic table in the middle of an Ohio winter sounds more dangerous than sticking your tongue to a flag pole.

If you are seeing a table, and you go out to dinner, does it get jeallous you are with other tables?

(Source)

“Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits.”

RIP George Carlin. Your humor will definitely be missed!

my upcoming...stuff

on friday, i'll be having minor outpatient "surgery." i'm not even sure if its considered surgery...but in my book, it is.

my latest PAP came back showing that i have HPV. so my doctor had to run some tests, biopsy cells from my cervix, and send them off. when it comes back...it shows that i have moderate dysplasia (which in lehman's terms are pre-cancerous cells). not fun. so now, i have to have the cells lasered out...BOO! i'm not happy.

on top of that...the day after i have this done, i have an austin law firm softball tourney that i really want to play in, but won't be able to (sad) AND a bachelorette party that night that i'm seriously hoping to make...(sad, yet again).

i'm pretty nervous about this procedure...i've heard conflicting stories about pain. i'm such a wuss...it'll probably be horrible :(

the perfect prayer

From The Book of a Thousand Prayers

"O God, your Son Jesus began his ministry at a wedding celebration. May the joy that is experienced as two people begin a life together continue to grow and deepen through all that life has to offer along the way. May Jesus continue to transform the water of their every day to the wine of new vision, so what seems ordinary becomes transformed by love. May couples grow old together knowing the best wine is saved till last and that Jesus is the abiding guest and their companion on the way. We ask this in Jesus’ name."

-- Angela Ashwin

weekend recap

it was a super fast, super busy weekend.

leaving work at 4 on friday because of the ROT rally was nice.

we woke up saturday and headed out to houston for father's day. it seemed we were in the car the whole time. we arrived in houston, picked up james' brother, grabbed a quick bite, headed to pier one, the liquor store, walgreens, grabbed a few beers and appetizers, went to the movies (to see sex and the city), grabbed another small bite, headed to james' mom's house, passed out. we then woke up sunday morning, chatted with his mom for a bit, got ready, headed to giddings. it was the first time we sat for more than an hour (other than the movie). it was nice. food and company were great. the nap pancakes and i took was nice. but it was great coming home. i love my home.

RIP Tim Russert

(CNN) -- Tim Russert, who became one of America's leading political journalists as the host of NBC's "Meet the Press," died Friday, according to the network. He was 58.

Tim Russert joined NBC in 1984 and established himself as the face of the network's political coverage.

The network said Russert suffered a heart attack while at work and could not be revived. He had just returned from a family vacation in Italy to celebrate the graduation of his son, Luke, from Boston College.

Russert joined the network in 1984 and quickly established himself as the face of the network's political coverage.

In 1985 he supervised live broadcasts of the "Today" show from Rome, negotiating an appearance by Pope John Paul II -- a first for American television.

He took the helm of "Meet the Press" in 1991, turning the long-running Sunday-morning interview program into the most-watched show of its kind in the United States.

Washingtonian Magazine once dubbed Russert the best and most influential journalist in Washington, describing "Meet the Press" as "the most interesting and important hour on television."

In 2008, Time Magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

His two books -- 2004's "Big Russ and Me" and 2006's "Wisdom of Our Fathers" were both New York Times best sellers.

Russert served as press secretary for former New York Gov. Mario Cuomo and as chief of staff to Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan, a New York Democrat who died in 2003.

Russert was born in 1950 in Buffalo, New York, the son of Timothy John Russert Sr. -- a newspaper truck driver and sanitation worker who was the "Big Russ" from his autobiography -- and Elizabeth Russert, a homemaker.

its friday the 13th...

...and i seriously think something is wrong with people.

i'm getting gas this morning and a car drives up. i smell something weird. i'm done so, i go to pull the nozzle out...and the lady next to me is sitting in her car smoking a frickin' cigarette at the gas pump! WTF? i go up to her and ask, "are you stupid?!?!" she gives me the most blank look on and puts it out. i'm sorry, but i so wasn't going to die for her dumb ass

best office prank ever

this song goes out to you...you know who you are

Oooh you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me, It's you, you're all I see
Oooh you make me live now honey, Oooh you make me live

Oh you're the best friend that I ever had,
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true, I really love you

Oh you're my best friend, Oooh you make me live
Oh I've been wandering round, but I still come back to you
In rain or shine, you've stood by me girl
I'm happy at home, you're my best friend

Oooh you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me, I got you to help me forgive
Oooh you make me live now honey, Oooh you make me live

You're the first one, when things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely, you're my only one
And I love the things, I really love the things that you do
You're my best friend, Oooh you make me live
I'm happy at home, You're my best friend
Oh you're my best friend, Oooh you make me live
You're my best friend

because you were home....

james and i went to go see 'the strangers' this past weekend and let me tell you....this movie scared the buhjeezus out of me! my ass was truly scared! do you know seriously effed up some people are? if you have seen the trailer check it out here

holy crap! my heart was beating so fast...at some points i stopped breathing...like LITERALLY stopped breathing i was so scared!

and forget about trying to sleep that night! i still have trouble! i keep thinking of when liv tyler's character asked "why are you doing this to us?" and the girl said, 'because you were home'


WTF? i'm never answering the door again!